I’m not sure why, but it seems that for many people, their natural instinct is to feel weak or silly when they need to ask for help. I’m not sure why this is, and not everyone is like this, of course, but many people – young and old – have a very difficult time asking for assistance. There is no shame in asking for help. In fact, I would suggest having the courage to ask for assistance is something of which to be proud.
For students, having the courage to ask for help is extra important, and when I say students, I mean students of all ages – elementary, middle school, high school, traditional college, and non-traditional college. Whether the need for help is academic or social/emotional, if the need is there, don’t ignore it. Find someone who can help you!
Academically, sometimes a subject matter or even just a particular concept or unit, just doesn’t make sense. That doesn’t make any of us stupid – it just means for some reason it just isn’t “clicking” for us. Before we get even more confused (especially in a class in which the concepts build on each other, i.e. math, foreign language…), if we don’t understand one lesson or chapter, or, heaven forbid, a whole unit, it is going to be very difficult to understand the next one. Ask the instructor for help! That’s why they chose the career they did: to instruct, to teach, to assist, to help! If that seems impossible, find another student or some other trusted person who seems to understand. Again, there is no shame in not understanding.
I still remember my first semester of college I took a class called “History of the Old Testament.” I was an excellent student in high school. I got great test scores. I’d gone to church and Sunday School all of my life. How hard could this class be? Well, for me it was very very difficult. I felt lost the first day. I felt more lost in the weeks to come. I studied for tests, and I still had trouble passing them. It appeared to me that everyone else understood. I’d never felt academically stupid in my entire life, but I certainly did in that class. It was causing me great stress and starting to affect me emotionally and in my other classes. I finally went to the instructor and told him I thought I was going to drop the class. He kindly offered to help me, and I wish the end of my story was this: I accepted his help and passed the class with a good solid B (I don’t want to exaggerate and think I could have gotten an A!). But, the real end of the story is that I appreciated his offer, but I was so defeated in my own head and felt so stupid in Old Testament History that I dropped the class. To this day (and I’m pretty old!), I still regret that decision. I am actually still a bit ashamed to admit that I dropped the class rather than accept the help. So – if YOU are having difficulty with a particular class, don’t be me! Ask for help and graciously accept it! You will be so proud of yourself for not giving up.
If you need help in other ways – socially/emotionally, for instance – it is also VERY important to ask for help. Depending on the severity of what you are experiencing, talk to a parent, a trusted friend, a teacher, a coach, an aunt or uncle or other relative, a pastor, your school counselor. Talk to anyone with whom you feel comfortable and who you trust. Again, there is absolutely no shame in asking for help. Sometimes just talking and venting will help; other times, maybe you’ll want some advice. At some point maybe you will need a more serious intervention. But one of the worst things you can do is try to hold in your feelings and your pain – not sharing it with anyone. It can eat you up from the inside out.
Help. Assistance. Simple words; sometimes difficult to ask for. But DO ask for help in whatever aspect of your life you need it. It does not suggest weakness. It suggests humanness. There is certainly nothing wrong that. Afterall, we are ALL human!
Mary Joan - NW Iowa Student Success Advisor
