A year ago or so, I came across a list that I tend to agree with. It is geared towards parents; however, students could benefit by understanding the importance of the information as well. It is not rating anything; however, it is a list put together by a former university dean that lists the 8 skills that she feels everyone should have by the age of 18. Julie Lythcott-Haims, a former Stanford University dean, included it in her book, “How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success” (Henry Holt & Co., 2015).
Below I have summarized her list and added a few comments of my own.
1. An 18-year-old must be able to talk to strangers.
Faculty, deans, advisors, landlords, store clerks, coworkers, bank tellers, mechanics, etc. We teach kids not to talk to strangers instead of teaching them how to discern the few bad strangers from the good ones. Kids end up not knowing how to interact with strangers they come across in the real world.
2. An 18-year-old must be able to find his way around.
A campus, the town in which their internship is located, etc. We drive or accompany our children everywhere when they are growing up, whether by car, bicycle, or even walking. I know when my daughters started riding a bicycle or driving on their own, I asked one of them to go the public library. They didn’t know how to get there even though it is only 1 mile (2 turns) away and they had lived in the city their whole lives!
3. An 18-year-old must be able to manage his assignments, workload, and deadlines.
We remind kids when their homework is due and when to do it. Kids end up not knowing how to prioritize tasks or meet deadlines without regular reminders. I know sometimes as a parent it is hard to see the consequences that can occur when deadlines are not met, however, sometimes that is how a child learns.
4. An 18-year-old must be able to contribute to the running of a household.
We don’t ask kids to do much around the household because they are so busy with outside activities. They end up not knowing how to look after their own needs, respect the needs of others, and not doing their fair share for the good of the whole.
5. An 18-year-old must be able to handle interpersonal problems.
We step in to solve misunderstandings and soothe hurt feelings. Kids don’t know how to cope with and resolve conflicts without our intervention.
6. An 18-year-old must be able to cope with ups and downs.
Courses and workloads, college level work, competition, tough teachers, bosses, etc. Kids need to know that in the normal course of life things won’t always go their way, and that they’ll be okay regardless.
7. An 18-year-old must be able to earn and manage money.
Sometimes, kids don’t have part-time jobs, they receive money from parents for what ever they want or need; thus, kids don’t develop a sense of responsibility for completing job tasks, accountability to a boss who doesn’t love them, or an appreciation for the cost of things and how to manage money.
8. And finally, an 18-year-old must be able to take risks.
Parents have laid out their entire path for them and have avoided all pitfalls or prevented all stumbles for them. Kids don’t develop the wise understanding that success comes only after trying and failing and trying again (grit) or the thick skin (resilience) that comes from coping when things have gone wrong.
John - Waterloo and Hiawatha ICAN Centers
