As a high school counselor
for many years, I was often asked for advice on various aspects of college
life. These requests came from parents and students both, and sometimes in the
same family, the parents were hoping for one answer and the student another! J
One question which seemed to come up often is the question of whether or not to
be roommates with a good friend. Of course, there is not a right or wrong
answer to this question. It is definitely a matter of opinion. But I would
probably tend to err on the side of caution when it comes to this topic, and I
will attempt to explain why I have this opinion.
Many times, just because
two people are friends doesn’t mean they are necessarily compatible as
roommates. Sometimes too much of any one person is not a positive thing. If you
room with a BFF, you spend time together as roommates, but you also spend time
together as friends. It is highly
possible you could get very tired of each other and the idiosyncrasies you each
have. Often, maybe even usually, it is better to have a roommate you don’t
know. First of all, you automatically have one new person that you meet. Then
you can meet the friends of your roommate, too, and that immediately increases
your social circle. You don’t have to be best friends with your roommate; you
just need to be able to share a room. So, if you don’t hit it off well enough
to be bffs, that is absolutely ok. Also, if your bff from high school is in
another dorm room, you always have a place to go – another place to hang out.
Plus, you will meet the people that he or she is rooming with and living among.
Again, it increases your social circle automatically.
My freshmen college
roommate was a good match for me, at least on paper. We got along well, but we
never really became great friends. We were friends, but not great friends. I
had other friends in the same hall and in other dorms, and this gave me many
places to “hang out.” My sons all had different situations, and one of them did
room with a very good friend from high school. I think both of them would tell
you that it was more difficult than they expected, even though they’d known
each other since 6th grade. It didn’t ruin their friendship,
luckily. The other two had roommates they didn’t know. One got along really
well with his roommate, but they didn’t really become “friends for life.” The
other didn’t really care for his roommate, and he ended up basically living
with other friends he made in another dorm, even though he never officially
moved!
College roommate
situations can be tricky, but they are truly excellent opportunities to meet
new people. It is important, in life, to be able to meet and get along with all
sorts of people, whether or not they become good friends. Making yourself room
with a new person will challenge you in many ways, but it will also help grow
as a person and in your tolerance of people who may be different than you. And
who knows? It could turn out that this stranger could become a very good
friend, and it might preserve the relationship you already have with a very
good friend. Take a chance and meet someone new! Worse case scenario - it just
doesn’t work, and you end up finding a new roommate, but at least the
friendship you already had with your bff
is still intact!
Mary Joan - ICAN Hiawatha Center
